top of page

10 Key Steps to Finding Love: A Guide for Singles

Writer's picture: Nichola PyrkosNichola Pyrkos
A man sitting in a hammock in the sea

“I’ve been single for years and still struggling to meet someone. I’ve done so much work on myself and yet I’m still alone. What do I need to do to attract the right kind of person into my life? I don’t want to waste any more time alone, or worse...ending up with the wrong person!” - Anonymous.

 

I’ve had so many people ask me a variation of this question over the last few weeks, that it’s inspired me to write this guide. It's no surprise there are so many singles out there looking for love - after all love offers the promise of a deep, nurturing connection, acceptance, emotional healing, a future of support and companionship, fun and excitement, and enough pleasure chemicals to make most people act loopy, at least in the early stages. And yet the search for love is tricky, with most people needing to overcome fears and step into the courage needed to face the unknown.


A man walking alone down a road with mountains in the background

The bottom line is there are no simple or easy solution; it takes conscious intentional work, personal growth and healing to embody the energy needed to attract an ideal relationship. I know this personally because it took me a whooping 10 YEARS to understand and take myself through the process of letting go of everything that was keeping me stuck and single, and to step into the energy needed to attract a loving, supportive and fulfilling relationship. The journey I had to go on was both enlightening and empowering, and it’s what I teach my life coaching clients who go on to transform their dating experiences and secure healthy relationships. So let’s begin with the basics…

 

Like Attracts Like

A woman at the beach with her hands open wide

Our energy plays a crucial role in shaping all our real-life experiences, including the relationships we attract. The thoughts, emotions, and beliefs we hold create an energetic frequency that influences what—and who—we draw into our lives. If we wish to attract an ideal relationship, we must first align our energy with the kind of love we seek. This requires intentional inner work; because unresolved fears, limiting beliefs, and emotional blockages can prevent us from connecting with a healthy partner. By focusing on the following 10 key steps below, we create the foundation for personal growth and transformation. Through this process of learning and healing, we not only shift our energy to attract the right partner into our lives, but we also become ready to nurture a deep, fulfilling relationship with ourselves, as well as with the people already in our lives. So, what are the 10 Key Steps needed to attract an ideal relationship?


A woman in a field looking in a mirror

1.       Know Yourself - explore your passions, interests, values, likes, dislikes, and what truly makes you happy. The loneliness of being single is often the catalyst we need to start connecting with ourselves on a deeper level. And when we know who we are, we can then attract a more authentic match. Meditation and journaling are great tools for helping us understand ourselves, our wants, needs, desires; exploring our thoughts and beliefs, recognising emotions, noticing patterns; and giving us the broader perspective we desperately need to manage the challenges that come with single life, dating and relationships, as well as the resilience to pick ourselves back up after a fall.

 

2.       Create a Life You Love – focusing too much on your relationship status and what you think is missing, creates too much resistance to your current reality, which others will experience as desperation and pressure. Instead focus on what you love about life, the things that bring you a sense of peace or raise your energy and make you happy. Focus on other important areas of your life (e.g. career and ambitions, your physical health, mental wellbeing, friendships, your home, finances). Being single is an opportunity to get all your ducks in a row, which is important when thinking of allowing someone new into our world. The more fulfilled you are, the more attractive you'll be to others who are also fulfilled in their own lives.

 

Woman in nature holding her heart

3.       Love Yourself – many people think that they need to meet someone special in order to feel loved. However, if you already have a very fractured relationship with yourself (i.e. if you feel unlovable, unworthy, undeserving; if you carry guilt or shame; or if you reject/deny/suppress certain aspects of who you are), then it’s going to be almost impossible to attract and maintain a healthy, happy and compatible relationship. To find out more about how to develop Self-Love and Self-Acceptance click here.

 

4.       Challenge Limiting Beliefs – A belief is just an idea that we have repeated over and over again, that isn’t necessarily true. When we believe something, we walk through life looking for evidence to back that what we already think is true; and we cannot see the evidence to the contrary. If you have been single for a long time, it highly likely that you have acquired a set of falsie/negative/limiting beliefs throughout your life about men and women, dating, relationships and commitment, which are unconsciously holding you back. Identifying what limiting beliefs you are holding onto, and challenging them is crucial for reprogramming and developing the mindset needed to attract a healthy relationship.  

 

A man covering his face/hiding

5.       Give Up Sabotaging Behaviours – there is a very strong possibility that you are doing/not doing things which are preventing you from meeting the right person (e.g. looking in all the wrong places, setting impossible standards, being indiscreet, playing games, showing red flags, not replying or showing up at all, moving too fast). Becoming aware of what your sabotaging behaviours are is key to choosing new habits and behaviours more aligned with finding the right kind of partner.

 

6.       Face Your Fears – the reason you are single is because there is a part of you that does not want to be in a relationship. This is often due FEAR connected to relationships which you may or may not be conscious of: fear of what you may need to give up, fear of change, fear of getting hurt, and fear of rejection. Identify the underlying issue/fear that is blocking you and keeping you single, and exploring how you can minimise the fear and keep yourself safe while exploring relationships is an important step to getting unstuck and start attracting an ideal partner.

 

7.       Let Go of Past Relationships – people who have experienced significant loss and heartbreak, difficult or traumatic relationships, or are holding onto strong emotions of love or hate for someone, are going to struggle to allow themselves to be open and vulnerable, to trust someone new, or risk getting hurt again. These old connections/cords to people from the past/present may not be visible, but they are real because they can be felt deeply. Taking steps to reframe these experiences, learn from them, and to find compassion and forgiveness are essential for letting go of these old cords and the power they have over you.

 

8.       Script It – in order to attract anything into our lives we first have to believe it’s possible. Being able visualise exactly what we want in our partner and what we want to experience in dating or a relationship is a powerful tool for programming the subconscious mind to experience what the heart desires. Write a script detailing how a perfect day with your ideal match would play out – think about what you would see, hear, feel and use your imagination to fill in the blanks and allow yourself to feel what you would feel if this script did in fact materialise. Read it before sleep when the mind is in an open peak state and allow the subconscious mind to work its magic. If you believe you can win at the game of love, you will show up the way you need to when the time comes to play your hand.

 

A white heart with a metal key

9.       Open Your Heart – the heart is a very powerful organ with it’s own intelligence. When we have had our heart broken it is only natural to close off emotionally. However if left for too long the heart can remain closed out of habit, and this blocks us from being able to attract and accept love. Practices which open the heart included visualising a glow in your heart space while you meditate, thinking deeply about someone you love or a time when you felt love powerfully, and through the practice of gratitude. Being thankful for everything you already have in your life allows you to start seeing the world as abundant and opens your heart to experiencing more to be grateful for.

 

10.  Enjoy the Process – if you have been single for a long time, it’s natural to feel disillusioned with the entire process of trying to meet someone, dating and navigating the minefield that is establishing a meaningful relationship. Resistance to the process will make it feel excruciating, and negative energy will attract the same. If you want to attract love into your life you need to embody the kind of energy that naturally attracts most people (e.g. openness, curiosity, novelty, patience, kindness, understanding, fun, excitement, hopefulness) and apply it to dating and finding love. You never know…your last first date could be just around the corner.

 

A man holding a woman with an umberella

The steps explored in this blog are not meant to be completed in any kind of order. They can be completed by you independently, although you may struggle to complete the subconscious work because it likes to remain hidden. It is undoubtedly quicker, more effective and less painful to complete these steps with the help of an unbiased professional who can guide and support you, who will help you make the unconscious conscious, and who can use a plethora of tools and techniques to help you fast-track your learning and progress. This process is not for the faint hearted, but if you have the courage to undertake this work, it will transform your experience of dating and relationships, and it will transform the relationship you have with yourself. Because the search for love is almost always about discovering the love we must have for ourselves.

 

For those who have decided that they are done being single and are ready to put skin in the game and invest in their future happiness, request a FREE Consultation for my one to one, online transformational coaching program – "Healing the Heart: Let Go of Past Relationships & Attract Your Soulmate" and begin your journey to emotional healing, freedom and alignment with your heart's desire.


The Mindful Life Coach UK Business Card

"My Name is Nichola, I am a Transformational Life Coach & Mindfulness Facilitator, a Psychology and Social Work graduate; I am based in Hertfordshire in the UK, but I coach men and women from all over the world - from Costa Rica to Dubai, Singapore to Stevenage - on a broad range of issues including career, relationships, emotional resilience and confidence!


My mission is to empower people to create a life they love, the balance they need, and build the resilience needed to weather any storm. Follow me on Instagram to find out more about me @mindfullifecoachuk or head on over to my website to find out more about the work I do .

I look forward to connecting with you soon!"


-Nichola-



Comments


Commenting has been turned off.
bottom of page