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Do You Know What You Want?

Updated: Jul 25, 2023

When I tell people that I'm a Life Coach, I always receive great feedback - enthusiastic nods of approval and affirmations that this is a service that people need and would highly value. After all who doesn't want to change some aspect of their lives which they just cant seem to shift on their own; and who doesn’t want to achieve their goals and dreams and ultimate potential? Being a keen and experienced problem-solver and solution-finder (yes that’s a thing lol) I’m in a great position to be able to help people gain clarity on what they want and why and to help them overcome the obstacles preventing them from achieving their goals. Except that is, for one thing.... People generally don’t know what they want! ???

  • They hate their jobs, but don’t know what they'd prefer to do instead.

  • Even when they know what they want to do, they can come up with a hundred different excuses as to why it cannot be achieved

  • Subconsciously they may not even want what they think they want or they may be benefiting from a secondary benefit in their current circumstances that they are oblivious to.

  • They feel unhappy in their relationships and home life, but refuse to take any personal responsibility or adapt their thinking or behaviour.

  • They spend their lives focused on pleasing other people, ignoring what matters to them and depleting themselves, until they are left feeling a shell of their former selves.

  • And even when they do find the time and space to focus on their own needs, they don’t know what to do with themselves, and revert back to the martyrdom of serving others.

It’s heart-breaking! I find that most people I speak to feel either very lost or discontent in life; living each day on auto pilot, performing the roles and responsibilities society expects of them, and waiting on their external circumstances to miraculously change so as to provide them with what they need to lead successful, happy and fulfilling lives. Except this is not how success, happiness or fulfilment are attained. People only really decide that they have had enough of their own crap when they have hit rock bottom; which is when they usually take the step and commit to a program or intervention like Transformational Life Coaching...and then never look back! A key factor for any type of change is to be clear on WHAT YOU WANT and WHY YOU WANT IT?? This is what will motivate you to take the necessary steps to achieving your goals and dreams so you need to have a clear vision and to immerse yourself in that vision. Nobody can tell you the answers - only you know! If you don’t have a clue as to what on earth you want, this may be because somewhere along the way you became disconnected from yourself, losing sight of your dreams and what really matters to YOU.

Because life will do that to us’ll send us out to sea without a paddle and we're expected to find our way back home through the most violent of storms. But once our feet are back on dry land and time begins the healing process, we owe it to ourselves to reconnect with ourselves, our hopes and dreams. Only then can we make decisions as to what we want. Only then can we begin working on a plan to get to where we want to go. Because if we don’t decide where we want our lives to go, someone else will usually step in and decide it for us. And that’s how we find ourselves back out in a storm without a paddle!

When you know who you are, what you want and what’s important to you, any decision you need to make thereafter becomes easy! Even if it makes you nervous, even if it scares you, even if you don’t think it is possible - all of which can be changed - knowing what you want is the first step to manifesting it into your reality. Surely if there’s one thing this global pandemic has taught us, is that life is too short and too precious to take for granted...isn’t it time you figured out what you want from it?


For those who want to reconnect with themselves and discover what they want, here are some suggestions to find some clarify:

1. Spend some time alone, away from people and distractions, to think about and reflect on the journey you have undertaken so far in life, and where your heart wants your life to go. Put your doubts and fears aside for a moment, imagine that there are no barriers or limitations, and that you have all the tools and resources you need to make it happen. Ask yourself what is it you truly want in terms of your career, your personal relationships, your family and friends, your health, your home, your finances, your free time, your legacy/contribution to society? You can do this by focusing on the question through meditation or through visualisation (allow yourself to daydream); or you can do this through journaling. Ask yourself ‘what does my hearts desire?’, keep repeating the question, and begin to explore what thoughts and feelings comes up for you.

2. If you need ideas and inspiration, the internet has more information on every subject under the sun than you can ever possibly consume in a lifetime - articles, photos, podcasts, videos, information, advice, personal stories...all at the touch of a button! While the answers you are looking for are within you, a lot of the inspiration needed to motivate you to finding your answers is 'out there'! Open your eyes and ears to things you don’t know and different ways of doing things, so that you can begin to open your mind to the endless possibilities that are available to you.

3. Make a list of things you like and love, enjoy and make you feel good. Spend time on those things, immerse yourself in them and allow then to inspire you in the answers you are looking for. Observe how you feel and trust in your emotions. When something feels good it is often an indication that you are moving in a direction which resonates and is authentic for you. When something doesn’t feel good, when you feel discomfort or resistance to it, it’s usually an indication that you are moving in a direction which may not be right for you. Do not judge yourself as you complete this exercise, forget about what other people might think or say; stay true to who you are and trust that your individuality is what makes you truly exceptional and inspirational, and is what will make the greatest difference in this world.

4. Be clear on what actually matters to YOU. So often we live our lives in a way that will either win us approval from society, or in a way that will avoid judgement, criticism, shame and guilt. But living according to other people's values is a first class ticket to misery. You can be the most beautiful, wealthy, successful person your friends and family know. But if you live a life that is absent of love, freedom and joy, or when an important need is not being met, you can still find yourself lying awake at night feeling empty. Fulfilment comes from living life authentically, and in order to do so you need to know what is important to you. Make a list of your top 10 values, or complete the following free questionnaire to gain clarity on what is important to you - And then ask yourself - am I living in alignment with what matters to me? And if the answer is no, start thinking about how you can start living your life in a way that honours what matters to you more.

But if that's still not enough to help you find your way and you would like Transformational Life Coaching support to help you find clarity and to overcome the barriers to living the life your heart desires, be sure to request a FREE Consultation to help you explore if Life Coaching is the right path for you.


My Name is Nichola Pyrkos, I am a Transformational Life Coach & Mindfulness Facilitator, a Psychology and Social Work graduate, and my mission is to empower people to consciously create a life they can love, whilst developing the resilience needed to weather any storm. Follow me on Instagram @mindfullifecoachuk and head on over to my website to find out about the range of services I offer, including bespoke Life Coaching programmes tailor-made for individual clients to fast-track their learning, healing and personal growth.

It only takes one decision to change your life...are you ready to transform yours?


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